Better!

So who's tired of looking at my Wii-injured eye? I AM. Therefore, I'm updating my blog to push that photo down a little. Incidentally, my eye is much better now. I can use my eyebrow pencil without crying.

Some recent excitement (that doesn't involve bleeding or bruising... yet) is our lovely new toy. Some friends sent us a Target gift card a couple of weeks ago and I knew exactly what we needed. We needed to pulse. We needed to chop. We needed to blend, shred and liquefy. We needed an Oster 12-speed blender/food processor combo.



Ta-da!!

There is no end to the fun we can have with this new toy of ours. The first day, Julia and her friend Angel came home from school and we made Thin Mint milkshakes. Oh, YES. They were grand. The next day, the girls came home and we looked around the kitchen for stuff to make a milkshake with (since all the Thin Mints were consumed the day before.) We found bananas, chocolate ice cream and a Hershey bar. So we made Banana Chocolate-Chip milkshakes, which were even better than the Thin Mint ones.

But at this point, I started to get a little nervous. I got a gym membership a month or so ago, and I realized that daily milkshakes might undo everything I was getting accomplished at the gym. So I decided I should fire up the food processor attachment and make something healthy. My friend Katie gave me a recipe and, a quick trip to the store later, I was enjoying hummus on wheat pita bread with roasted red peppers. YUM. (OK, a different kind of "yum" than the milkshakes, but still yum.)

We're excited to see what all this thing can do. The other day, Julia pureed some fruit, poured it into a cup, froze it and later said it was the yummiest thing she had ever eaten. This appliance is life-changing, I'm telling you!

Just so you won't think I'm spending all my time blending things or getting socked in the head by the Wii remote, here's my latest article from Arkansas Life magazine. It was a lot of fun to research and write (I got to interview some Arkansas celebrities, including Jancey Sheats -- a Baytown girl) and it helped get me motivated to start working out regularly. Hey, if I can do it, ANYONE can.

Grocery Gaming

This was our first week to do The Grocery Game. The Grocery Game helps you match up coupons with sales in stores to get groceries for ridiculously cheap, and sometimes free. You actually need to save up several weeks' worth of Sunday coupons, which we haven't had time to do yet, but we still got some good deals. Like a box of 24-count Tylenol PM, which started out at $5.49, then went on sale at Walgreens for 3.49, then I got a $2-off coupon from the Sunday paper, then an in-store coupon brought it down to 49 cents. I kind of wish I had saved this kind of money on something more exciting than sleeping pills, but STILL. At Walgreens I spent $3.71 on almost $14 worth of stuff, and also got some good deals at Kroger the next day. It will get better as my coupon file expands. One TERRIFIC thing about The Grocery Game: Wal-Mart is not included in their list of stores, so I drive to Benton to go to the Kroger there. The money I save on groceries more than makes up for the gas. I may never have to go to Wal-Mart again! One downside: Target is also not included in The Grocery Game's stores. If it ever is, my life will be complete.

A disclaimer for those who know us in person. Jenna is going around telling everyone she has a brother named "John." I guess it's her new imaginary friend. At school last week, her teacher was helping all the kids draw pictures of their families. When I picked Jenna up, she showed me her family picture. It was Daddy, Jenna, and "John," a guy with a beard. No Mommy and no Julia. "Uh, Jenna? Do we have someone in our family named 'John?'" I asked. Her teacher said, "She doesn't? She told me she did!"

I'm all about imaginary friends. Hey, I had a squirrel who rode around on my shoulder through most of elementary school. But I just want to make sure everyone knows Jenna does not actually have a brother named John that we've hidden away somewhere. And I'm wondering what do to with this "family" picture, which looks more like the premise for a 21st Century After-School Special: "Jenna and her Two Dads" or something like that.

Now from the Julia front: the other day Julia and I were in the car and Dire Straits' "Money for Nothing" came on. "Hey," I said, turning it up. "I used to really like this song." Julia looked extremely annoyed and said, "Turn it down. It's too loud." So I said, "You know what we used to say when I was a teenager? 'If it's too loud, you're too old.'" She just looked at me like I was completely insane.

That's the problem with us '80s people. Our parents didn't understand our music then, and our kids don't understand it now.

Oh, Please

I saw a TV ad for a local church yesterday. Apparently, the church is pastored by a married couple who prefer to be addressed as "Bishop" and "First Lady."

I'm so tempted to call up this church and ask, "Excuse me, but who do you think you are?" I grew up in the Church of Christ, where titles don't really exist. Back in the old days, we would attach a "Brother" or "Sister" at the front of older people's names but other than that, we were pretty first-namey. That's one thing I really appreciated about the Church of Christ. Here's part of the entry describing the Church of Christ in the 2003 Associated Press Stylebook:

"The ministers do not use clergy titles. Do not precede their names with a title."

Church leaders are supposed to be ministering to church members, not elevating themselves above them. The Church of Christ gets that. The non-denominational church we're working with now also gets it. But if you want to call me the High Priestess of Target Bargain Shopping, you won't hear me complain.

Speaking of which, my endcap bargain find for the week: glass apothecary jar filled with sand and seashells for six bucks. I didn't exactly want the sand and seashells, so I dumped them into a glass bowl and put it on the counter in ocean-loving Julia's bathroom. "I love that...whatever that is in the bathroom!" she said later.

Why We Can't Spell

Recently, Wade reminded me of the tragic epidemic of apostrophe abuse in our country. And walking through Target yesterday, I was reminded of another tragedy. Americans are forgetting how to spell.

(Oh! That reminds me! Global Bazaar has gone 30 percent off!)

Anyway, I think the fault partially lies in marketing. Let's make a cute little play on words and misspell a word on purpose to sell our product. But the problem is that these misspellings creep into our subconscious. Suddenly, we can't spell.

One example is the Stephen King classic, "Pet Sematary." Ever since this book came out over 20 years ago, no one can spell "cemetery." A-ha! You thought it had an "a", right? Nope. It never has. But don't feel bad. You've fallen victim to subliminal spelling disorder. It's not your fault.

Those of us who have read the book (or suffered through the gosh-awful movie), know the book's title is spelled that way because the sign at the pet cemetery in the book was made by children, who spelled it "sematary." But because the word was emblazoned across the front of a best-selling book and on display in bookstores across the nation during the mid-'80s, we are a nation forever confused about the spelling of "cemetery." Even people in the funeral home and cemetery business struggle with this. My dad works for a large funeral home in Houston, and he can't tell you how many times a memo or some letterhead has crossed his desk -- from higher-up, important, corporate-type people -- with "cemetary" printed on it.

So am I blaming Stephen King, a celebrated American author, for ruining the word "cemetery" for generations of Americans?

Of course I am.


And now, my beloved Target. I've been a little annoyed when I've gone in there lately. It's because the word "Goodbuy" is hanging all over the place. I know, I know -- it's part of their "Hello Goodbuy" marketing campaign. Another cute little play on words so we will buy stuff. But I know what's going to happen. All those "Goodbuy" signs are going to creep into our subconscious, and next time we go to write the word "goodbye," the "goodbuy" version is going to pop into our brains and try to tell us that's the right way to spell it. Our Target also has "Fabuless" signs hanging all over the place. Yet one more marketing ploy that will chip away at what's left of our literacy as a nation.

Of course I'll keep buying stuff at Target. The day Global Bazaar hits 75 percent off, you'd better get out of my way. But I think those of us who care about preserving the English language should send a message to corporate America, and that message is this: Literacy sells.

Happy Day!

Late-breaking Target news: Global Bazaar is here!

How to Get New Clothes at Target

1) Be a three-year-old with a mommy who has to be somewhere in ten minutes.
2) Tee-tee on the floor.

Yep, we were in the toy section today when Jenna said, "I have to go tee-tee. Oh, no, I don't." That's when I saw the yellow puddle forming near her Strawberry Shortcake tennis shoes. So I went to one of those red phones and paged a Target associate to meet me. A guy who couldn't have been older than 18 walked up. "I'm afraid my daughter had an accident and I just didn't want anyone to slip in it." He asked, "Is it a spill?" I answered, "You could call it that." His eyes got very wide. I could tell he's not used to cleaning up other people's bodily fluids. I apologized and herded Jenna over to get her some pants, socks and panties so we could do a quick change in the bathroom before picking up Julia from school.

As aggravated as I was, it got me thinking. I imagined this conversation:

Chad: Where did you get that outfit?

Me: At Target today. I had to. I peed on myself.

Hmmm...this could be promising. Thanks, Jen!

Rainy Reunion

Aside from the deluge of rain we've had since we got down here, we've been having fun seeing old friends and visiting our old hang-outs. Oh -- and playing with new toys from Granny and PaPa. Here's Jenna in her new tent.

We've been fans of The Children's Museum of Houston since we first took Julia there in 1999 when she was barely walking. Tuesday we went back and the girls had a great time. True to tradition, we hit the face-painting table as soon as we got there.


I think the pretend grocery store is the coolest thing in the museum. Julia has as much fun in there as she did in her toddler days.


Milking a fake cow is always fun, too.

The veins in the cow's udder have always kind of creeped me out.

On Wednesday, we drove over to Baytown and met my best Baytown girlfriend Lois and her husband Bill at El Toro for lunch. We were glad to finally get some good Tex-Mex (which, like Dairy Queen, is hard to come by in Arkansas.)


Then we took Julia to her BFF Meagan's house, where the two had a fun-filled sleepover. That afternoon, Lois and I had a Target date, and we ran into more friends from our old church there. Then we went to church and saw more friends and met even more friends for breakfast on Thursday. After visiting with yet more friends, we came back to my parents' house. Today we are meeting Chad's dad in Houston for a short visit and my brother Brian is coming in tonight. Tomorrow is back to the Natural State!

Ugh

Chad left on a youth trip, and I've been to Target twice in two days.

I realize this is not a good sign of things to come, especially when Chad leaves for his week-long trips later this summer.

The truth is that Chad leaving town is lonelier here than it was in Baytown. In Baytown, I usually hung out with my parents or my best Baytown girlfriend Lois, who is retired and was usually available to hang out with me and the girls.

I know there is something to be said for being a grown-up and learning to get by without my family or the close friends I had in Baytown.

But it is a bit lonely, nonetheless.

On a non-whiny note, the girls and I made a day of it today by going to Little Rock and hanging out at Barnes & Noble and then Mimi's Cafe for lunch. (Speaking of Barnes & Noble, check out the May issue of "Empowering Women." I've got four articles in there and you'll also find Sarah Paulk's byline.) Tomorrow we start "Summer on the Rock," which is our children's program for the summer. I'm teaching the 3rd grade. The theme for the summer is "HERO" and the third grade has a Yoda theme. I'm thinking of knighting all the kids tomorrow and calling them "JEDY" knights: "Jesus' Everyday Directions for You." (Which is what scripture is, and we're going to have an emphasis on memory verses this year.)

Julia and I also came up with "Jesus Evacuates Dizzy Idiots," plus a few others that are probably not worth mentioning.

Eyelashes Alive!

Jenna and I went to Target this morning. I really did need a few things, plus I thought we could hang out in the toy department for something to do. Not a bad way to spend a morning, really.

It was in the toy section that I found this: Baby Alive Sip ‘n’ Slurp. But she could easily pass for Baby Tammy Faye Bakker. I don’t know if you can tell from this picture, but this doll’s eyelashes look like they came from “Prostitutes ‘R’ Us.” Maybe it’s the “in” thing among the 3-year-old set to have dolls that look like black caterpillars crawled up on their faces and died. Who knows. I just hope this is a trend that bypasses our house.

Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!

Marcia, my friend from way-back-when who I blogged about a few weeks ago, has a blog now. Go check it out at marcia-marcia-marcia.blogspot.com. You can find out her take on having a Brady Bunch name, plus what possibly could have happened in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere that inspired her to finally break down and get a cell phone.

And now for today's Target report. I went in this morning with the intention of looking at scrapbook stuff. I have all the pictures I need to make Julia's book of Baytown memories, I just haven't started on it yet. When we first moved here, I couldn't work on it because looking at the pictures and all the notes members of our former church family had written to her made me sad. But I think I'm all good with that now.

But on the way to the scrapbook aisle, I thought I'd check out the 75%-off clothes in the back of the store. I wound up in the fitting room having an out-of-body experience because a SIZE SMALL Isaac Mizrahi black dress fit me like a glove and was showing off body parts I forgot I had. I scored it for EIGHT BUCKS. (I'm telling you, the "S" on the tag is worth at least eight bucks all by itself.) I got it and a pair of pants (and a can of vegetarian chili) for a total of 16 dollars.

So I called Chad on the way home and said I have this hot dress and just need a place to wear it to. He said, "So get a sitter for tonight."

Let's recap:

- Target

- black Mizrahi dress

- 8 bucks

- SMALL

- date plans with hot husband

...all before 10:30 a.m. Not bad work if you can get it.

Don't forget Dr. Phil today! I'm taping it because I'll be retrieving kids from their respective schools.

Heirlooms

The other day, I got all my china and crystal unpacked and into our hutch. This stuff has been in boxes since August so it was nice to see it all again. So I'm going to show some of it to you.

This is part of an eggshell china tea set my grandparents brought back from Japan in the mid-1950s. My grandpa had been serving in the military in Tokyo. It's called eggshell china because the china is very thin and delicate. The teacups are extremely fragile, so I keep them put up.

My grandparents and my 8-year-old mom came home with something else from Japan: an 18-month-old boy they adopted. He's now my Uncle Ed.

This cookie jar belonged to my great-grandmother on my dad's side. I'm not sure how old it is, but my great-grandparents were married around the turn of the century -- so it could be from the late 1800s.

This is part of a demitasse set I got at my bridal shower in 1993. Julia and I used to have tea parties with it and when she was four, she asked if she could have it when she grows up. I said yes. I guess Jenna will have to register for her own.

Some of our wedding china and crystal on display in the hutch.

And this rare piece. Are these plates so exquisite and old that they've been mounted in a frame to keep them safe? No, I got this at Target when they were closing their Global Bazaar stuff out. I scored it for six bucks. Hey, not everything has to be an heirloom!