Aborted Apostrophe Rescue Mission

I really appreciated all the comments on my last post. It was nice to hear from other people experiencing the same thing. Too bad we don't all live in the same town, huh?

Jenna's out of school for the summer, which isn't easy for either of us. I miss being able to mop the floor uninterrupted, and she asks "Am I going to school today?" every morning. Julia goes until June 4 (thanks to snow and tornado days that pushed the date back) and then we leave for Houston the next day. We're looking forward to seeing our Baytown friends at a certain wedding on June 7.

From the apostrophe abuse department: Every Tuesday/Thursday at Jenna's school since January, I've been walking down the hall past a bulletin board that says "PARENT'S" on it. Nothing after it, just PARENT'S. Meaning, I guess, that the information on that board is for parents. Which means the apostrophe is completely unnecessary. (Unless the board itself actually belongs to a parent. In which case, why is it hanging there?) All semester, I tried to get up my nerve to reach up and rescue that poor piece of punctuation from its incorrect usage. I never did. As far as I know, it hangs there still. I just really like the director and I really, really appreciated her getting Jenna into the school there (because I had just had a negative experience at her previous school and didn't want to take her back there. For what it's worth, the incident had nothing to do with punctuation.) I hope to keep Jenna in this school for the next two school years, and I think the director NOT thinking I'm an obsessive psycho freak would work to my advantage.

Also related to abuses of the English language, we received some coupons (yay!) in our paper yesterday that have "Stock-up on savings!" printed across the top of the page. Why is "stock-up" hyphenated? I'll tell you why. It's because Americans are losing their grip on their native language. I wonder if this is happening in other countries. Are people in Japan forgetting how to read, write and speak Japanese? I know the world has other problems, but it's troubling nonetheless.

Why We Can't Spell

Recently, Wade reminded me of the tragic epidemic of apostrophe abuse in our country. And walking through Target yesterday, I was reminded of another tragedy. Americans are forgetting how to spell.

(Oh! That reminds me! Global Bazaar has gone 30 percent off!)

Anyway, I think the fault partially lies in marketing. Let's make a cute little play on words and misspell a word on purpose to sell our product. But the problem is that these misspellings creep into our subconscious. Suddenly, we can't spell.

One example is the Stephen King classic, "Pet Sematary." Ever since this book came out over 20 years ago, no one can spell "cemetery." A-ha! You thought it had an "a", right? Nope. It never has. But don't feel bad. You've fallen victim to subliminal spelling disorder. It's not your fault.

Those of us who have read the book (or suffered through the gosh-awful movie), know the book's title is spelled that way because the sign at the pet cemetery in the book was made by children, who spelled it "sematary." But because the word was emblazoned across the front of a best-selling book and on display in bookstores across the nation during the mid-'80s, we are a nation forever confused about the spelling of "cemetery." Even people in the funeral home and cemetery business struggle with this. My dad works for a large funeral home in Houston, and he can't tell you how many times a memo or some letterhead has crossed his desk -- from higher-up, important, corporate-type people -- with "cemetary" printed on it.

So am I blaming Stephen King, a celebrated American author, for ruining the word "cemetery" for generations of Americans?

Of course I am.


And now, my beloved Target. I've been a little annoyed when I've gone in there lately. It's because the word "Goodbuy" is hanging all over the place. I know, I know -- it's part of their "Hello Goodbuy" marketing campaign. Another cute little play on words so we will buy stuff. But I know what's going to happen. All those "Goodbuy" signs are going to creep into our subconscious, and next time we go to write the word "goodbye," the "goodbuy" version is going to pop into our brains and try to tell us that's the right way to spell it. Our Target also has "Fabuless" signs hanging all over the place. Yet one more marketing ploy that will chip away at what's left of our literacy as a nation.

Of course I'll keep buying stuff at Target. The day Global Bazaar hits 75 percent off, you'd better get out of my way. But I think those of us who care about preserving the English language should send a message to corporate America, and that message is this: Literacy sells.

Apostrophe abuse report!

Just got the Justice catalog. It's a store with cute clothes, etc., for tween-age girls. There's a shirt that I thought was cute with monkeys on it. Then I looked down the sleeve and saw "I LOVE MONKEY'S."

AGGGHHHH!!!! This drives me crazy!!

Under a spell

I know I gripe about this stuff a lot, but I just have to wonder once again why so many people out there don't know the basics of the English language.

Julia and I are going to enter some things in the Saline County Fair and I was reading through the rules and regulations book. The typos are so thick I can barely get through it. I know, I know, rural Arkansas and all that. But STILL. Do they really have a "scrape booking" competition? Can I really enter "crapes" in the fruit competition? Are they really going to be judged by "Master Gardner's?" And can I please, please enter the "beauty pagent?"

If anyone should know "herd" is not spelled "heard," it should be the Saline County Fair Association of Benton, Arkansas. I'm assuming a spelling bee will not be part of the festivities. Maybe it should.

Anyway, my brownies are going to win.

Mother's

T-shirt I saw in an ad for a local Christian book store:

"Top 3 Reasons Why MOTHER'S are Great"

I really don't like to be the type of person who obsesses over this stuff. But seriously, does no one know how to use an apostrophe anymore?

And yes, I did email the company.