Ad Madness

Here's this week's column. I mention Wanda Garner Cash at the end -- she's the editor/publisher of The Baytown Sun.

NOTE -- On my browser, the link to post comments isn't showing up. I don't know why and I don't have time to sit here and mess with it.

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By Deana Nall
Baytown Sun

Published February 8, 2006

Are you a zero boundaries woman?

If so, the Diet Rite soda company wants to give you $25,000. For having no boundaries.

That’s right. You can go to www.dietrite.com and nominate a woman who has no boundaries.

If you think this sounds weird, you’re not alone. It sounds like someone in Diet Rite’s marketing department needs a vacation.

First of all, Diet Rite itself tastes like carbonated sewer water.

Second, and this is going to sound very Dr. Phil of me, but I believe boundaries are a good thing to have.

Back in 1992, when I was trying to get through college, be the managing editor of the campus newspaper, plan a wedding and deal with my then-fiance’s sister’s tragic death, I did what anyone in my situation would have done.

I landed myself in therapy.

And I learned a whole lot about boundaries. About how you can’t be everything to everyone all the time. About how having boundaries is a way to protect yourself and stay emotionally healthy.

Women with no boundaries don’t need $25,000, unless they are going to spend it on a shrink.

Oh, and also at Diet Rite’s Web site, you can sign up to win free carbonated sewer water — oops, I mean Diet Rite — for a year. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to miss out on that.

Diet Rite’s current marketing campaign is a good example of how advertising can be a hit-or-miss endeavor. Here are some other companies that may have missed the mark with their slogans:

• Holiday Inn. About 12 years ago, their slogan was “Stay With Someone You Know.” That’s right. Stay with friends. Stay with family. Stay with your crazy great-aunt Velma. But whatever you do, don’t stay at Holiday Inn.

• Campbell’s Soup. For ages, Campbell’s Soup was “Mmm Mmm Good!” I think that if most of the words in your slogan are not actual words, you might want to rethink it.

• Red Bull Energy Drink. This caffeine-laden beverage says it “Gives You Wings!” Seriously. Unless you’re ready for a career as a circus freak, you might consider avoiding Red Bull and any other product promising to grow you new body parts.

Maybe these companies just need a little help. Thanks to Kyle Martin, I have learned of “The Advertising Slogan Generator,” a Web site that will come up with slogans for any word or phrase you type in.

Here are some examples for “Deana”:

“Pure Deana.”

“Deana is job 1.”

“I’m Not Just the Deana, I’m Also a Member.”

The fun at this Web site is endless. Why not get some family members in it? What about your crazy great-aunt Velma?

“Choosy Mothers Choose Your Crazy Great-Aunt Velma.”

And why stop at family? What about that creepy guy who works at the gas station?

“Reach Out and Touch That Creepy Guy Who Works at the Gas Station.”

“Don’t Leave Home Without That Creepy Guy Who Works at the Gas Station.”

And last, but not least:

“Is It Live? Or Is It Wanda Garner Cash?”