Can’t get enough of the cookies
Published February 23, 2005
Nine boxes of Girl Scout Cookies. That’s what we ended up with this year.
It has become our yearly tradition. Every January, my husband Chad and I have the same exact conversation. It’s usually at a restaurant following Sunday morning church services:
CHAD: Oh, don’t buy any Girl Scout Cookies because I bought four boxes from Kelly Bird this morning.
DEANA: Um ... I bought five boxes from Lauren Whitley this morning.
CHAD: Oh. Whoops.
And so it goes. Right now we’ve got two boxes of Caramel deLites and one box of Peanut Butter Patties in the pantry and four boxes of Thin Mints in the freezer. Two other boxes of Caramel deLites didn’t make it through the night. And we just got our cookies yesterday.
Which brings me to my problem with this annual inundation of cookies. Chad and I have no self-control whatsoever.
Oh, we act like we do. We give our kindergartener two or three cookies and say. “That’s all for today.” After she goes to bed, we can’t get into them fast enough. Sometimes we can’t wait until she goes to bed. That’s when we hide in the closet and eat them — attempting to muffle the crinkling cellophane under last season’s sweaters.
I really like the Thin Mints and the Peanut Butter Patties. But nothing, absolutely nothing, rocks my world like a Caramel deLite. Coconut, caramel, chocolate — it’s what makes life worth living. You can’t buy a cookie that’s anything like the Caramel deLite anywhere else, and every year I mournfully relish the last one — knowing I won’t taste anything so heavenly for another 10 months.
I could justify this gluttony by reminding myself that buying Girl Scout cookies contributes to a good cause. And that’s true. Girl Scouts have a 93-year history of building confidence and encouraging leadership skills in young girls, and I’m all about that.
But I guess I’m also all about stuffing myself so full of chocolate that I’ll either develop diabetes at a world-record rate or balloon to a size that would enable me to sell my car because I could just roll myself down the street.
This, my friends, is not a good cause.
Before I get too depressed, allow me to share my guidelines for consuming Girl Scout Cookies:
1. Never turn down a Girl Scout. She could be a high-ranking leader one day, and she’s got cookies to sell. Buy them.
2. Never, under any circumstances, should you read the nutritional information on the box. There are some things you just don’t need to know.
3. Don’t waste your time on the cookies that don’t have chocolate in them. I can respect the Shortbread cookies for being one of the oldest varieties of Girl Scout Cookies. But I don’t have to eat them.
4. If you observe Lent, do not give up chocolate. We live in a cruel world, and the fact is that Girl Scout cookies come in right smack dab in the middle of Lent. You’d either have to put them up until Easter or compromise your faith by tearing into a box of Thin Mints while no one is looking. Except for God.
My final piece of cookie advice: If the cookies are too tempting and cause you to lose all self-control, just eat all of them. Then they won’t be around to tempt you anymore. Which reminds me — I need to go make another dent in my supply. Just doing my part.
Deana Nall’s column appears every Wednesday. Her e-mail address is firstname.lastname@example.org.