Love songs: Some swoon, some fall flat

By Deana Nall
Baytown Sun

Published February 16, 2005

“Shootin’ at the walls of heartache! Bang! Bang!”

“Losing ground, I’m reaching for you! You! You!”

“Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo, baby, please don’t go!"

Yep, those are actual lines from actual love songs. If these examples are any indication, there are some pretty lame love songs out there. This can make it difficult to find the love song that’s right for you.

So in the spirit of the recently-celebrated Valentine’s Day, I’ve compiled a list of what I think are the best love songs of all time. With these five songs in your CD collection, you just can’t lose.

5. “She’s Got a Way” by Billy Joel. Best line: “She’s got a smile that heals me.” I’m yours, Billy!

4. “Your Song” by Elton John. This man has such a way with words that it’s easy to forgive him for forgetting the color of his lover’s eyes in the middle of the song. Besides, I had to include Elton in my list or Emily Griffin would never speak to me again.

3. “Turn Me On” by Norah Jones. You’ll also need to turn your AC up when this song comes on. Whew! It’s getting hot in here!

2. “Come Away with Me” by Norah Jones. Love this song. Love Norah. Guess you can tell.

1. “In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel. The words are sheer poetry. Can you imagine being out on a dinner date and your spouse leans across the table to say, “In your eyes, I see the doorways of a thousand churches ... the resolution of all the fruitless searches.” Check, please!

I realize not everyone is so lucky in love. So, being the fair and balanced journalist that I am, I will devote the rest of this column to what I think are the worst love songs ever.

5. “I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight” by the Cutting Crew. You’re out with a guy and he keels over. How romantic is that? Does anyone really fantasize about ending an evening by dropping their date off at the morgue? On second thought, I did fantasize about that a few times. Oh, well. Next!

4. Anything by Air Supply, especially “Every Woman in the World to Me.” Ladies, if a guy says you’re every woman in the world to him, that includes his mother. And his grandmother. And every nun on the planet. And Queen Elizabeth. You don’t want to keep going down this road. It only gets creepier.

3. “Crazy for You” by Madonna. I hate this one only because my eighth-grade boyfriend and I were couple-skating to it at the roller rink one night when he fell on his face right in the middle of the song. I managed to keep rolling — right out of his life.

2. “U Stink But I Love U” by Billy and the Boingers. Fans of the 1980s comic strip “Bloom County” will remember this endearing tune.

1. “I Used to Love Her” by Guns N’ Roses. This song is about a girl who got on her boyfriend’s nerves so he killed her and buried her in his backyard. “And I can still hear her complain!” sings Axl Rose. Girls, if your guy ever dedicates this song to you, don’t walk away. RUN!

As for my column on love songs, in the words of songwriter Lisa Loeb, “It’s over! It’s over! It’s over! It’s over! It’s over! It’s over! It’s over! It’s over!”

Deana Nall’s column appears every Wednesday. Her e-mail address is cldjnall@juno.com.