Deanaland

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Love songs: Some swoon, some fall flat

By Deana Nall
Baytown Sun

Published February 16, 2005

“Shootin’ at the walls of heartache! Bang! Bang!”

“Losing ground, I’m reaching for you! You! You!”

“Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo, baby, please don’t go!"


Yep, those are actual lines from actual love songs. If these examples are any indication, there are some pretty lame love songs out there. This can make it difficult to find the love song that’s right for you.

So in the spirit of the recently-celebrated Valentine’s Day, I’ve compiled a list of what I think are the best love songs of all time. With these five songs in your CD collection, you just can’t lose.

5. “She’s Got a Way” by Billy Joel. Best line: “She’s got a smile that heals me.” I’m yours, Billy!

4. “Your Song” by Elton John. This man has such a way with words that it’s easy to forgive him for forgetting the color of his lover’s eyes in the middle of the song. Besides, I had to include Elton in my list or Emily Griffin would never speak to me again.

3. “Turn Me On” by Norah Jones. You’ll also need to turn your AC up when this song comes on. Whew! It’s getting hot in here!

2. “Come Away with Me” by Norah Jones. Love this song. Love Norah. Guess you can tell.

1. “In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel. The words are sheer poetry. Can you imagine being out on a dinner date and your spouse leans across the table to say, “In your eyes, I see the doorways of a thousand churches ... the resolution of all the fruitless searches.” Check, please!

I realize not everyone is so lucky in love. So, being the fair and balanced journalist that I am, I will devote the rest of this column to what I think are the worst love songs ever.

5. “I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight” by the Cutting Crew. You’re out with a guy and he keels over. How romantic is that? Does anyone really fantasize about ending an evening by dropping their date off at the morgue? On second thought, I did fantasize about that a few times. Oh, well. Next!

4. Anything by Air Supply, especially “Every Woman in the World to Me.” Ladies, if a guy says you’re every woman in the world to him, that includes his mother. And his grandmother. And every nun on the planet. And Queen Elizabeth. You don’t want to keep going down this road. It only gets creepier.

3. “Crazy for You” by Madonna. I hate this one only because my eighth-grade boyfriend and I were couple-skating to it at the roller rink one night when he fell on his face right in the middle of the song. I managed to keep rolling — right out of his life.

2. “U Stink But I Love U” by Billy and the Boingers. Fans of the 1980s comic strip “Bloom County” will remember this endearing tune.

1. “I Used to Love Her” by Guns N’ Roses. This song is about a girl who got on her boyfriend’s nerves so he killed her and buried her in his backyard. “And I can still hear her complain!” sings Axl Rose. Girls, if your guy ever dedicates this song to you, don’t walk away. RUN!

As for my column on love songs, in the words of songwriter Lisa Loeb, “It’s over! It’s over! It’s over! It’s over! It’s over! It’s over! It’s over! It’s over!”

Deana Nall’s column appears every Wednesday. Her e-mail address is cldjnall@juno.com.

7 Comments:

  • At Wed Feb 16, 08:24:00 AM, Blogger Carol said…

    Was PATRICK the boyfriend who fell on his face in 8th grade??? I don't remember that story!

     
  • At Thu Feb 17, 09:39:00 AM, Blogger elizabeth said…

    A couple of other horrible love songs:
    The Temptations, "Beauty is only skin deep"
    Sample line: "A pretty face you may not possess, but what I love about you is your tenderness"
    (Gee thanks, honey)
    Another:
    Gordon Lightfoot "I'm not sayin'"
    Sample line,
    "I'm not sayin' that I love you, I'm not sayin' that I care if you love me.
    I'm not sayin' that I'll do the things you want me to,
    I'm not sayin' I'll be true but I'll try."
    Bryon and I almost used this one in our wedding! :)

     
  • At Thu Feb 17, 10:12:00 AM, Blogger Little Light said…

    Other terrible love songs are the 1950s dead teenager songs - Leader of the Pack, Teen Angel, Tell Laura I love her (akk!)

     
  • At Thu Feb 17, 10:31:00 AM, Blogger Susie said…

    ROFLMBO!!! Oh, that's too funny! Especially the Cutting Crew's "Died In Your Arms". I will never hear that song the same again. Thanks for the laughs!

     
  • At Thu Feb 17, 12:01:00 PM, Blogger WinniePhew said…

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

     
  • At Thu Feb 17, 12:01:00 PM, Blogger WinniePhew said…

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

     
  • At Thu Feb 17, 01:07:00 PM, Blogger WinniePhew said…

    Actually I messed up my song in the previous post. The song title was, "How Could You Believe Me When I Said I Loved You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life." Seems like I can't even getit wrong right...

     

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