Losing my Religion

My morning at church:

1) Jenna walks into the building and promptly drops her sippy cup on the floor. The top pops off and a torrent of milk splashes into the carpet.

2) During church, Julia's foot somehow becomes stuck between two chairs, requiring two adult males to pull the chairs apart to free her.

3) Jenna grabs a handful of those Magnetix balls -- which are basically overgrown ball bearings -- and beans the preacher's son in the back of the head with them. Also during church. At this point, I remove her from the auditorium.

4) Church is finally over and Jenna heads out to the playground. But wait! There's a giant fire ant bed on the playground, I'm told! So I bring a very upset Jenna back inside.

5) While I'm cleaning up the mess Jenna made where we sat in church, and while I'm trying to explain to Jenna why she can't go to the playground, Julia is walking along the seats and accidentally hits her unopened can of root beer on the metal part of one of the chairs. The can explodes, ripping out one whole side of the can and sending a tsunami of root beer all over the chairs and carpet.

6) While I'm trying to locate some kind of carpet cleaner, Jenna disappears. I worry that she's on the playground being eaten alive by fire ants. I find the cleaner, throw it at Chad, point to the mess, and go find Jenna.

7) I get both girls in the car, (Jenna crying over the playground and Julia crying over the root beer she had been saving for lunch) and leave a message on Chad's cell that I'm very sorry, but I'm leaving and I hope he can find a ride home.

Chad showed up in time and dropped me off at home before taking the girls to eat. I had lost my appetite. Next Sunday, Jenna and I are coming home after class. The next Sunday should be OK because we are having Sunday in the Park, where it's acceptable to run around like a lunatic primate. After that, Jenna and I will have to find a church that has Sunday in the Park every single Sunday.

I've never seen a Coke can explode like that.