Sunday, September 24, 2006

Losing my Religion

My morning at church:

1) Jenna walks into the building and promptly drops her sippy cup on the floor. The top pops off and a torrent of milk splashes into the carpet.

2) During church, Julia's foot somehow becomes stuck between two chairs, requiring two adult males to pull the chairs apart to free her.

3) Jenna grabs a handful of those Magnetix balls -- which are basically overgrown ball bearings -- and beans the preacher's son in the back of the head with them. Also during church. At this point, I remove her from the auditorium.

4) Church is finally over and Jenna heads out to the playground. But wait! There's a giant fire ant bed on the playground, I'm told! So I bring a very upset Jenna back inside.

5) While I'm cleaning up the mess Jenna made where we sat in church, and while I'm trying to explain to Jenna why she can't go to the playground, Julia is walking along the seats and accidentally hits her unopened can of root beer on the metal part of one of the chairs. The can explodes, ripping out one whole side of the can and sending a tsunami of root beer all over the chairs and carpet.

6) While I'm trying to locate some kind of carpet cleaner, Jenna disappears. I worry that she's on the playground being eaten alive by fire ants. I find the cleaner, throw it at Chad, point to the mess, and go find Jenna.

7) I get both girls in the car, (Jenna crying over the playground and Julia crying over the root beer she had been saving for lunch) and leave a message on Chad's cell that I'm very sorry, but I'm leaving and I hope he can find a ride home.

Chad showed up in time and dropped me off at home before taking the girls to eat. I had lost my appetite. Next Sunday, Jenna and I are coming home after class. The next Sunday should be OK because we are having Sunday in the Park, where it's acceptable to run around like a lunatic primate. After that, Jenna and I will have to find a church that has Sunday in the Park every single Sunday.

I've never seen a Coke can explode like that.


  • At Sun Sep 24, 11:40:00 AM, Blogger Keith Brenton said…

    Go ahead. Lose your religion. Most of us would be better off without it anyway.

    Just don't lose your relationship with Christ and your fella and your kids!

    They're all keepers.

  • At Sun Sep 24, 12:10:00 PM, Blogger Cheryl said…

    I've had these kind of Sundays.They are especially lovely, when hubby is leading worship. He comes home uplifted, peaceful and blessed and I am desperately fighting off the urge to shove a Songbook up someone's nose!
    Bless you--I hope your afternoon includes a nap for you. You deserve it!

  • At Sun Sep 24, 06:53:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    That was bad.

    This weekend, I was driving to Abilene (alone w/ kids!) when YOU called. While talking I took the WRONG turn. I was 45 mins. from BRECKENRIDGE when I realized my mistake. I HATE being in the car alone w/ a 3 & 6 year old!! :-) CP

  • At Sun Sep 24, 07:05:00 PM, Blogger jettybetty said…

    Yikes! That is really too much for one morning!

    And yes, I would believe the root beer story--I did it myself--I had no child to blame. =-(

  • At Sun Sep 24, 08:41:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Andrew still loves Jenna. There is more Root Beer in the machine. You could go out to the park next Sunday and just see who shows up one week early. Call it prayer ministry or something.

    And...don't ever call me a preacher.


  • At Mon Sep 25, 07:41:00 AM, Blogger epic said…

    My oldest is now a Soph. at ACU - in Oxford on Study Abroad. When she was a baby, she either was asleep or crying. One lovely spring Sunday we finally decided it might be safe to make it to church.

    So, off to Richardson East we went with hopes of making it all the way to communion before we had to leave. Sat on a back pew (good for a quick getaway). The nice visitor in his very nice suit told us what a beautiful baby we had. Of course, that was just as she did her best Exorcist impersonation and covered his lap with her last meal.

    The stain is still there on the pew, which over the years has served to a)remind me that she once was a baby and b)be a great way to excite her friends with an embarassing story.

    So, don't clean all the stains, they may prove usefull in the future.

  • At Mon Sep 25, 09:45:00 AM, Blogger Chris Field said…

    Ouch. Thanks for making me remember how "easy" my morning at church really was?

    How's the veg. stuff going?

  • At Mon Sep 25, 01:28:00 PM, Blogger KentF said…

    Home church anyone?

  • At Mon Sep 25, 02:07:00 PM, Blogger Sarah P said…

    Remind me again why it's a good idea to pack ball bearings in your child's diaper bag?

  • At Mon Sep 25, 02:10:00 PM, Blogger WinniePhew said…

    Oh my ... rough day ... precious memory ... One day the entire family will laugh about that occasion.

    How old were you (2 or 3) when I was asked to speak at that little church in Beaumont?

    While I was speaking you launched "Pew Puke" all over the rear of the building. Mom rushed you to the nursery to get you cleaned up. You commenced to vomit all over their nursery.

    I've always wondered, "Was the sermon really all that bad?"

    They never asked me to speak again. Probably a combination of my sermon and your tossed cookies.

  • At Mon Sep 25, 05:24:00 PM, Blogger Vonnie said…

    I met Tracy (don't remember her last name but she teaches at ACU) at a blog party in Abilene last week and she told me how to pronounce your name. Did you see Desperate Housewifes Sunday night? I think this will be an interesting season. After your Sunday morning you deserved some comic relief.

  • At Mon Sep 25, 07:15:00 PM, Blogger Lynn said…

    OH MY.....Had I been there, I think I would have moved up to help you. I like being a substitute "auntie" or "gma". It is a handful sometimes. I had three. And usually others sitting with us. I know it doesn't help to hear this but, this too shall pass.

  • At Tue Sep 26, 03:32:00 PM, Blogger Paige Robins said…

    I think God would only let a day like that happen to you because he knows you would make it funny somehow.

  • At Tue Sep 26, 09:32:00 PM, Blogger Clarissa said…

    I know we've never met, but I love you.

    My youngest (my throw-up child) is now 3. "This too" is passing. However, I am still quite thankful for children's church for the two youngest after 10-15 minutes of having all four in the auditorium in between me and Rob (or one or both of us between two or more of them, depends who's fighting whom that day.) We're refereeing, taking hands away from where they do NOT belong (like on the person in front of us, or on an adjacent sibling) and putting them somewhere where they DO belong. We're trying to keep said 3-year-old from gleefully wandering out into the aisle and checking the whole place out, we're trying to shush the older children who seem to constantly be whispering MUCH too loudly, "How much longer?" or "Is it almost over?" or "When can we leave?" or "I'm hungry" or "I have to go to the potty/bathroom!" It's exhausting.


    And then people tell us how well-behaved our kids are. I don't get it.


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