Fat Day Guidelines
The Baytown Sun
Published May 10,2006
So there I was, finishing up my Brownie Batter Blizzard from Dairy Queen, when it happened.
The Blizzard that had looked so yummy on the sign moments before was now sitting in my stomach. Oh, my. All those calories and fat grams had to go somewhere. I felt my thighs expanding inside my jeans. That's when I knew.
I was having a fat day.
Yes, even we "skinny" girls have fat days. They sneak up on us during the most unexpected moments. And they are more unsettling than bad hair days, mismatched clothes days and "I'm-not-wearing-makeup-and-I-just-ran-into-my-old-boyfriend-from-high-school-at-Kroger" days.
There is no logic involved when it comes to having a fat day. Those jeans that fit like a glove last week? Or that little black dress that looked terrific on you yesterday? On fat days, they just hang in your closet and laugh. Then the next day, they fit again. It has got to be the cruelest of nature's practical jokes.
The worst part about having a fat day is that it usually brings on a depression that can be remedied only by a Brownie Batter Blizzard from Dairy Queen. And then it just starts all over again.
Steve Vaught of San Diego was having a fat day, and you know what he did? He took off walking. Across the entire country. He started in Oceanside, CA, over a year ago and made it to New York just this week. During that time, he's walked almost 3,000 miles and he's lost more than 100 pounds. He even got to be on the Oprah show.
The 40-year-old husband and father has a website chronicling his journey at www.thefatmanwalking.com. He says he's gone through 15 pairs of shoes, 12 pairs of pants, three shirts, 30 pairs of socks and two near-nervous breakdowns.
He says one of them happened on his way through New Mexico. I used to live in New Mexico. Believe me, I understand.
But he kept on going. As I'm writing this on Tuesday, he is nearing the George Washington Bridge that will take him into New York City.
Although inspiring, Vaught's endeavor is a little drastic and I don't really recommend leaving your spouse and kids to spend a year walking across the country.
But there are some things you can do. And I've compiled them in this handy guide called "Deana's Guide to Surviving a Fat Day" or "How to Function When All You Want To Do Is Smack That Smirky Grin Right Off Little Debbie's Face."
1) Don't be so hard on yourself. Fat days happen to the best of us.
2) I don't recommend putting anything around your waist that requires buttoning and/or zipping. Your husband's sweatpants are a much better option.
3) Do not even consider trying on swimwear until your fat day is over. I mean this. I am not responsible for anything that may happen if you ignore this guideline.
4) Keep in mind that the picture of Little Debbie on the box only shows her from the neck up. You're probably skinnier than she is.
And just remember -- there's a skinny day coming.