Deanaland

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Time for Spring Cleaning

By Deana Nall
Baytown Sun

Published March 22, 2006

Spring is here!

This means wisteria is blooming, robins are flying around, and, for reasons yet to be explained to me, it’s time for spring cleaning.

How this tradition began or why it even exists is unclear. This is what I’ve been able to make of it: Apparently, we’re all supposed to live in utter filth until the Vernal Equinox. Then we make our families miserable by scrubbing the daylights out of our homes and performing completely ridiculous tasks such as dusting the tops of doorframes (like anyone ever looks up there) and sending the drapes off to be dry-cleaned.

I don’t understand it, but I’ll play along.

I’ll even offer some help with one of spring cleaning’s more unpleasant tasks in my handy guide called “Cleaning Out Your Closet” or “How to Ruin a Perfectly Good Week.”

First, if you have young children in your house, you know they will barely let you brush your teeth, let alone complete a major cleaning task. So you have to take action. I suggest sedating them. Might as well sedate your husband, too. Just make sure he’s awake in time to carry large boxes out of the house when you’re done.

Next, take everything out of your closet. I mean everything. Put it in piles all around your bedroom.

Now you can go through your clothes. Hold up each piece and ask yourself these questions:

1) Is it outdated?

2) Is it something you wore on a date with someone you haven’t seen in 15 years?

3) Is it ugly as sin but you feel like you have to hang on to it because your Aunt Sybil gave it to you and, well, you know how she is.

4) Is it a piece of clothing named for a celebrity who’s no longer famous? (i.e. M.C. Hammer pants)

5) Does it have baby spit-up on it and your children are teenagers?

6) Is it a Christmas sweater? Or a NASCAR T-shirt?

If you answered yes to any of these, it’s time to get rid of some clothes. Box them up. Then realize that if you get rid of all this stuff, you will have no clothes left. Open the boxes. Hang all the clothes back up in your closet.

There are still tennis rackets and sleeping bags and luggage and golf clubs and fans that don’t work all over your bedroom. Grab one of the sleeping bags. You can use it tonight to sleep in your daughter’s room.

Hey, there’s something you didn’t see before hanging behind your husband’s skis. It’s that outfit you bought last year on sale that you had forgotten about. The tags are still on it. It’s like you just got new clothes! For free!

Try the outfit on. Aren’t you cute! Go shopping.

Of course, you’ll bring home new clothes that will need a place to go. I will cover this in a future how-to guide called “Adding a New Closet to Your Home” or “Can This Marriage be Saved?”

My last piece of advice is to forget cleaning, get outside and have fun. It’s springtime, for heaven’s sake.

Deana Nall lives in Baytown with her family.

9 Comments:

  • At Tue Mar 21, 11:50:00 PM, Blogger kristi w said…

    What about: Is it in a size that you could only wear on that date fifteen years ago?

     
  • At Wed Mar 22, 04:01:00 AM, Blogger jettybetty said…

    You totally talked me out of spring cleaning after a GREAT laugh!!!

     
  • At Wed Mar 22, 05:28:00 AM, Blogger Paige Robins said…

    I was totally thinking about this yesterday! Why am I cleaning constantly all year if I'm just going to have to do it all again, and moreso, in spring??? That's it...once summer hits, I'm not cleaning ANYMORE!!!

     
  • At Wed Mar 22, 06:11:00 AM, Blogger GraceSaves said…

    I say it only takes me about 15 minutes to clean due to lack of space. But hey, whatever works! I'll come clean your house if I can live with you! ;-) haha love you

    ><>Michelle

     
  • At Wed Mar 22, 07:13:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Warning! Off the wall comment coming! I think it is hilarious that the Baytown Sun needs to let people know you live in Baytown WITH YOUR FAMILY. So glad your family doesn't live somewhere else!

    Wish you had written this two weeks ago before I went through the closets - I would have taken your advise and not done it! Thanks for the laughs!

    Carrie

     
  • At Wed Mar 22, 12:16:00 PM, Blogger Deana Nall said…

    Michelle -- You know you have a standing invitation!

    (To move in, not to clean. Although we wouldn't stop you.)

    Carrie -- Yeah, what's up with that? Like people might think I live in Baytown with a herd of bison or something.

     
  • At Wed Mar 22, 12:55:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Oh DNA please tell me you kept the acid wash jeans w/ the purple flowers all over them!!!
    cp

     
  • At Thu Mar 23, 05:46:00 AM, Blogger Kyle said…

    You should put that you live in Baytown with a herd of bison on your next column.

     
  • At Sat Mar 25, 06:49:00 PM, Blogger Amy said…

    I don't know which is better - your post or the comments!

     

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