Who Am I

A whole lot of youth ministry is fun. We get to hang out with teens, which I think are extremely insightful, interesting people. (I hate when older folks start complaining about "kids these days..." Chances are they don't know any.) But when youth ministry isn't fun, it can be gut-wrenching. "Ministry is messy," a friend told us when we were faced with a pregnant teen (one not in our youth group -- this was at camp) wanting an abortion. This was just a few weeks after my second miscarriage and very hard for me to deal with personally. Ministry isn't something you leave at the office. It's with you all the time.

But I've learned something about God here -- about the way he gets us through things. For me, God tends to comfort me through songs on the radio. They don't even have to be Christian songs. Sometimes I'l be agonizing over something and I'll turn on the radio and the song playing is exactly what I needed to hear.

I'm reminded of this because last night we saw Casting Crowns in concert. They opened up for Steven Curtis Chapman at the Toyota Center. A couple of months ago, Chad and I were finishing up lunch on a Sunday afternoon when we got a call that the long-time boyfriend (4 years) of one of our seniors had been killed in a car accident the night before. In the car on the way to her house, my head was swimming with shock. What could we possibly say to her to offer her any comfort at all? The tragedy was unthinkable -- and for a 17-year-old to have to process it?

Then "Who Am I" by Casting Crowns came on the radio. It's about how we are so insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but God takes care of us anyway because we are his children. It's easy to forget in those moments of shock and grief that he's still there, and that song is what I needed to remind me. And every time I've heard it since, I think "Rachael is going to be OK." Last night at the concert, Rachael was there and when the song started, I told her "This song makes me think of you." She said "It does me, too!" Then she took my hand and we stood there through the song -- two people who God has sustained and is sustaining through similar losses. (Rachael knows that I was devastated by the death of my own high school sweetheart years ago. )I love how God works. I'll post the lyrics to the song here. I love you, Rachael! You are such an inspiration to me.

Who Am I

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours