Deanaland

Sunday, November 07, 2004

I Left My Uterus in San Francisco

Here's something I don't like to talk about so I'll try writing about it.

When I gave birth a couple of months ago, while I was still on the operating table right after my C-section, the doctor said he wasn't sure he'd recommend another pregnancy for me. He said my uterus was "paper thin." Good thing I didn't go for the VBAC, huh?

So now I'm thinking that since I get pregnant very easily (out of my 5 pregnancies, we were only trying for one), we should go ahead and do something permanent to keep me from getting pregnant again.

My wonderful husband has volunteered to go under the knife. Bless his heart. (Or...something.) After two C-sections, three miscarriages and an emergency D&C (which was awful, by the way), he doesn't want me having to go through any more medical trauma than I have to. So that's not the problem.

But closing the door on my having kids for good -- I don't know what to think about it. Most of us girls know from the time we're about 3 that we are going to grow up, get married and have babies. It's sort of like why we're here.

But really, I don't want another pregnancy. I don't want another C-section. I don't want to adopt. But I'm not sure I won't ever want another baby. When I think of Chad getting "altered" and eliminating the chance of us having a third baby, I can't even process it. I was thinking about it the other day and all of a sudden I couldn't even breathe, it was so... final.

I guess I don't like writing about this, either.

2 Comments:

  • At Mon Nov 08, 09:28:00 AM, Blogger D said…

    What's up...
    Yeah go ahead and put a link for my blog on yours. The retreat was pretty cool, what really set it off was Daisy making out with the pot holder... well the pot holder, not the POT holder(does that make sense?)yeah well everyone in the youth group is going to know about chad going "under the knife" JUST KIDDING... that would be so bad. I'm outta here

     
  • At Tue Nov 09, 12:33:00 AM, Blogger Clarissa said…

    I felt the same way. That's how we ended up with 4 kids. Tubes tied at #4's birth -- I was finally ready. Haven't regretted it. And with your history, I think you'd recover from the trauma of facing the permanence pretty quickly. The alternative may be a ruptured uterus, which is NOT an option!
    But there certainly is something very difficult about imagining being non-fertile.

     

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