Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Girl with Kaleidoscope Eyes

So how much sleep deprivation is OK? How long can someone get by on a few hours a night and still be OK? Is it like anorexia, where things seem OK on the surface but internally, you slowly self-destruct? Why won't this child sleep? We've even tried drugging her -- with the doctor's permission, of course. People tell me to catch up on sleep during the day, but what kind of life is that? Holding a screaming baby all night and sleeping all day. I'd rather get out and do something and be tired. Tommy told me today that "Your body is right" when I told him I was trying to learn to live without sleep. Tommy was the husband of my friend Jennifer, who died of cancer in July. How ludricrous of me to complain of sleepless nights when he's had more than his share, and for an unimaginably horrible reason. I miss Jennifer. I liked talking politics with her. We would have had a lot to talk about today. She was one of the ones who helped me to not be afraid to be a Democrat. Before she died, I thought I would be mad at God when it happened. But I wasn't. It was just sort of a sad, calm acceptance. Besides, being mad at God is the ultimate exercise in futility.


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