Deanaland

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

‘King Kong’ chronicles

By Deana Nall
Baytown Sun

Published January 4, 2006

Here I am in a dark theater waiting for “King Kong” to start.

I don’t want to see this movie. But I’m married to a man who does. And he played his trump card: “How many chick flicks have you dragged me to?”

So here we sit. I know “King Kong” is a well-made movie with lots of special effects. It’s just that three-hour movies featuring overgrown primates are not my idea of fun. To help pass the time, I will chronicle my “King Kong” experience just for you.

4:19 p.m. After nearly 20 minutes of previews, “King Kong” begins.

4:40 p.m. Still no overgrown primate.

4:45 p.m. Now some people are on a ship. It looks like one of those cruise ships passengers keep getting sick on.

4:52 p.m. Hey! Dolphins!

4:57 p.m. Still no monkey. I’m heading to the snack bar.

5:13 p.m. I stood in line forever, but not long enough. Still no monkey.

5:17 p.m. The people on the ship have reached an island. It looks like the kind of place your senior class might have had to go to if your class officers spent all the senior trip money on prom.

5:28 p.m. Nothing good has happened to anyone so far. The island is inhabited by people in dire need of makeovers and social skills. A woman and her two young children in front of us just got up and left.

5:30 p.m. Where’s the dang monkey?!

5:31 p.m. Oh. There he is.

5:32 p.m. (WARNING! FEMINIST RANT TO FOLLOW) The girl faints! All the progress women have made and we’re still fainting in movies?

5:45 p.m. Note to self: If you’re ever being chased by a pack of dinosaurs, a machine gun won’t do you much good.

5:47 p.m. A dinosaur just ate somebody. I’m wondering what our children and their babysitter, the ever-fun Brittyn Thompson, are doing right now. Probably watching “Polar Express,” eating Cocoa Puffs out of the box and having a great time.

6:01 p.m. Really bad things are still happening to everyone. Not much dialogue here.

6:09 p.m. If you’ve been hankering for a lot of ape/dinosaur combat, this is the movie for you.

6:12 p.m. Isn’t that the guy from “Shallow Hal?”

6:15 p.m. Giant worms that suck people to death. Now this is entertainment!

6:24 p.m. Bathroom break.

6:41 p.m. I’ve just about had it with this movie.

7:06 p.m. I wonder what’s going on in “Cheaper by the Dozen 2” next door.

7:11 p.m. I have SO had it with this movie.

7:16 p.m. Monkey’s dead. Let’s go!

And now for some of Deana’s “King Kong” Facts:

RATING: PG-13

RUNNING TIME: 187 minutes

RUNNING TIME IF THEY HAD HIRED ME AS AN EDITOR: 17.5 minutes

COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY SUB-PLOT: The young stowaway and his mentor, who have apparently started a maritime Book-of-the-Month club, because the film keeps cutting away to their book discussions.

TYPO SIGHTING: A sign in the window of a vaudeville theater reads “Enquire Within.”

Do I recommend this movie? Sure. If you show up an hour-and-a-half late. You won’t miss a thing.

Now I’m off to the chick flick of my choice. I think I’ve earned it.

21 Comments:

  • At Wed Jan 04, 07:31:00 AM, Blogger elizabeth said…

    I have gotten cheap in my old age. Very difficult to want to pay a babysitter for an 3 hour plus movie!

     
  • At Wed Jan 04, 07:33:00 AM, Blogger GraceSaves said…

    Um...that's so not fair! If I lived there, I would be the ever fun Michelle with Julia and Jenna. I've spent many a nights with Miss Julia. :( Does she miss her favorite babysitter? no offense brittyn! ;-)

    ><>In HIM<><
    Michelle

     
  • At Wed Jan 04, 07:53:00 AM, Blogger "Snapshot" said…

    I am thankful that I birthed boys. They go see these kinds of movies with their Daddy and I just stay home and read a book. They come home happy and I stay home happy. We are all happy.

     
  • At Wed Jan 04, 08:03:00 AM, Blogger Deana Nall said…

    Michelle -- We were just telling a friend the other day that we didn't go out on a date for a year after you left! We just didn't have the heart to call anyone else. So yes, you are missed. And Julia has many fun memories. I saw on Aurora's blog that you got to be with your family for Christmas -- it looked like fun!

     
  • At Wed Jan 04, 08:04:00 AM, Blogger Jared Cramer said…

    AH HA HA HA HA HA! That was hilarious, my roommate gave me a funny look when I laughed out loud.

     
  • At Wed Jan 04, 03:08:00 PM, Blogger SG said…

    Just used your blog to convince my husband that this is a renter... and I will be reading a book that night! I actually saw a "making of King Kong" show and thought it lookedliked a snoozer!

     
  • At Wed Jan 04, 05:45:00 PM, Blogger sarahdawn said…

    My hubby and father have some sometimes weird similarities. Fortunately for me, taste in movies isn't something they totally share. While my sweet Dad HAD to see the big monkey -he watched the orginigal recently too - my Smooch has had no desire to watch this film. I love my man.

     
  • At Wed Jan 04, 07:58:00 PM, Blogger Amanda Ware said…

    FUNNY STUFF! Glad to hear I made a good choice of talking my husband out of that one last weekend!

     
  • At Wed Jan 04, 08:55:00 PM, Blogger ML said…

    I saw the original "King Kong" in black and white from behind my daddy's rocking chair. I didn't like it then, so I knew I wouldn't like it now.
    I too have gone to some movies with Kim because he was wanting to see something I didn't. "Gangs of New York"...one grouling man scewered on a spiked fence after another...I also left to check out concessions and the movie next door after 1 1/2 hours of that. I've strolled through theater lobbys more than once while an unbearable movie was going on. Men and their movies!

     
  • At Thu Jan 05, 08:02:00 AM, Blogger Heather said…

    I already didn't want to see "the big monkey". Now I really don't! I would definitely take a nap through it! Thank goodness I've talked Andy into going to see guy flicks alone, usually after the kids' bedtime. Works for both of us. I see a guy flick once a year. . . on his birthday.

     
  • At Thu Jan 05, 04:59:00 PM, Blogger Mike said…

    Deana -

    This is a great movie. It's not Jurassic Park . . . but it's better than Jurassic Park II.

    Explain to me "Sleepless in Seattle." You've still got the Empire State Building, but very, very little action.

    Here you have the ESB . . . with planes shooting, people screaming, and the gorilla defending his friend.

     
  • At Thu Jan 05, 08:10:00 PM, Blogger Kyle said…

    I thought King Kong was a chick flick...

    You mean you didn't find the relationship between Monkey and fainting woman to be moving and loverly?

     
  • At Fri Jan 06, 08:31:00 AM, Blogger Paige Robins said…

    Once we read this post, Seth looked at me and said, "So I guess you really don't want to go see it now," with a big pout on his face. lol. I was like, "That's right!"

     
  • At Sat Jan 07, 08:26:00 AM, Blogger KentF said…

    Still crying tears of laughter....wondering if it is possible to combine a chick and manly big action flick?

    You've got Nascar Mail
    Sleepless in the Armageddon Bayou

    May not be do-able.

     
  • At Sat Jan 07, 09:59:00 AM, Blogger Sarah said…

    Yep, that pretty much summed up the experience for me, too - minus the babysitter.

    I think my fiance owes me Pride & Prejudice now, don't you think?

     
  • At Sat Jan 07, 11:07:00 AM, Blogger Deana Nall said…

    Sarah -- I don't know. I think King Kong is worth at least three chick flicks. And Junior Mints. And a big old honkin' Coke. And a Saturday at the spa. Can we turn these things around in our favor? You bet!

     
  • At Sat Jan 07, 11:25:00 AM, Blogger David Michael said…

    I am looking forward to your review of "Brokeback Mountain."

     
  • At Sun Jan 08, 06:45:00 AM, Blogger Dwiggy444 said…

    Disclaimer #1 - I am a guy, so apparently I have some sort of pre-disposition to like this movie (maybe because it has a big hairy ape, which reminds me of myself?)

    Disclaimer #2 - I have a Bachelor's Degree in Theatre, which might make me appreciate fine art a little more than your average male.


    Now, that I've got that out of the way...

    I thought this movie was INCREDIBLE. This is easily my favorite movie of 2005 (seeing a movie released in 2005 after the New Year kinda messes up your "Best of 2005 list", Granted, I haven't seen most of the released-at-end-of-year, Oscar-caliber-but-mostly-boring movies that are on most critics Top 10 lists, but I can't imagine how any movie could top this one. A few arguments -

    1. The first 45 minutes of the moive ARE a little slow, but probably only because that's not the way that we expect a movie about a giant ape to start. If these first 45 minutes were in "Pride and Prejudice", nobody would be complaining.

    The first part of the movie is exposition and I think totally necessary to develop the relationships between the characters and to provide background for why they do what they do on the island and after. This part of the movie actually made the movie BETTER overall (in my opinion) because it developed the characters beyond the sterotypes that would have need used in a typical "guy movie".

    2. The action sequences in this movie were absolutely amazing. There were at least 5 sequences in this movie that would have sufficed as the grand finale in any other action movie.

    3. The love story between Kong and the girl was very moving and totally unexpected. Yes, the idea that a woman could fall in love with a 30-foot ape is a little absurd. But how many times have you seen or heard of a woman who was in love with someone who everyone else thinks is "an ape"? After the movie, my wife and I actually had a fairly deep conversation about the primal nature of love and how most women are naturally attracted to men who are simply "bigger than them". Yes - we had a deep conversation abnout love and life in the car ride home from King Kong. Are you sure we didn't go see a "chick flick" after all?

    Anyhow, I know I'm not going to convince you to like this movie. But maybe I've offered a counter-point to your argument. And maybe, just maybe, someone who is on the fence about this movie will go see it. It really is a great movie, and I'm going to say the same to anyone and everyone who'll listen. :-)

    Now it's time to go take care of my little monkeys...

     
  • At Sun Jan 08, 10:36:00 AM, Blogger Deana Nall said…

    Dwiggy --

    I saw on your profile that you like Rush. So do I. I am one of the few women on the planet -- and probably the only minister's wife -- who does. I saw them on their Vapor Trails tour. I loved Neil's book. Let's make that our common ground and agree to disagree on Kong. :)

     
  • At Mon Jan 09, 11:45:00 AM, Blogger Cathy Messecar said…

    Deana, first time connect through your blog. Good stuff. Yep. Hubby and I both passed on the hairy ape. There's a slight-maybe for a rental on a long rainy, afternoon...Cathy

     
  • At Mon Jan 09, 07:19:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    David,

    I thought it was called "BrokeBottom Mountain." Or is that just what its about?

    ;-)

    J-

     

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