Thoughts on Jennifer
Jennifer was my friend who died of cancer last summer. I've been keeping her girls at my house two afternoons a week. It's been a blessing to spend time with them. It's helped me get past the "run home and cry" element that I used to experience when I used to see them shortly after Jennifer died.
When the girls are at my house, we have a lot of fun. Their smiles and laughter really minister to me. I don't know how the whole heaven thing works, but I hope Jennifer can see them laughing. I hope she died knowing her girls would be OK.
The other day, the older one (she's 6) had done her homework at our table. They were outside playing with Julia, and I knew their dad was coming soon so I was putting her papers back in her folder. That's when I saw it -- a worksheet for St. Patrick's Day. It said something like "If you found a four-leaf clover, what would you wish for?" Grace had written "For my mommy to come back." My heart just fell out on the floor.
Last March I took Julia to the younger one's birthday party. Jennifer was a few months from death. That day, it really hit me what the cancer had done to her body. She was so bony -- and her skin seemed paper-thin. Her voice was weak and gravelly. The lymphoma had turned this 32-year-old mother into an old woman. I watched as she held Belinda on her lap and helped her open presents. "Can she be here for Belinda's birthday next year, God?" I prayed.
Well, she wasn't. So I guess the next question is, "So what now?" What about Easter? And what about Mother's Day? What will make Tommy and the girls whole again?
It's tempting, but I will not ask the "why?" question. Everyone who loses someone want to know why. Why are we the only ones who deserve an answer?
When the girls are at my house, we have a lot of fun. Their smiles and laughter really minister to me. I don't know how the whole heaven thing works, but I hope Jennifer can see them laughing. I hope she died knowing her girls would be OK.
The other day, the older one (she's 6) had done her homework at our table. They were outside playing with Julia, and I knew their dad was coming soon so I was putting her papers back in her folder. That's when I saw it -- a worksheet for St. Patrick's Day. It said something like "If you found a four-leaf clover, what would you wish for?" Grace had written "For my mommy to come back." My heart just fell out on the floor.
Last March I took Julia to the younger one's birthday party. Jennifer was a few months from death. That day, it really hit me what the cancer had done to her body. She was so bony -- and her skin seemed paper-thin. Her voice was weak and gravelly. The lymphoma had turned this 32-year-old mother into an old woman. I watched as she held Belinda on her lap and helped her open presents. "Can she be here for Belinda's birthday next year, God?" I prayed.
Well, she wasn't. So I guess the next question is, "So what now?" What about Easter? And what about Mother's Day? What will make Tommy and the girls whole again?
It's tempting, but I will not ask the "why?" question. Everyone who loses someone want to know why. Why are we the only ones who deserve an answer?
posted by Deana Nall @ 7:53 PM
2 Comments:
At Sun Mar 27, 04:50:00 PM,
Keith Brenton said…
I agree. I know it's not real popular to discuss "Harry Potter" favorably among Christian folks ... but when I'm tempted to ask the "why" questions now, I think about the mirror into which the young wizard gazed and could see things as he wanted them to be. And about Dumbledore's warning about its hollow and empty pursuit.
And I think about God's answer to Job, which more or less was, "Just because you can ask the questions doesn't mean you can understand the answers."
At Mon Mar 28, 09:35:00 PM,
SG said…
I am so sorry! How heart breaking! I have watched two similar situations in my life over the last 20 years, e-mail me if you want to know more about those situations.
I think that it is healthy that the Dad has made arrangements for his girls to be in the presence of a young Christian Mom who knew and loved their Mom. Oh I pray that this first year of first flies by! Not that the following years are easy but if you get through the first , you know you can get through it again. It has to be so hard for everyone church, friends, family, teachers, playmates... but those little girls need you all! I'm glad God has placed you in their lives!
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